Sep 10, 2015

My Future......

I have thought a lot lately about my future and what it holds.  I know WHO holds it and I know what I want it to look like but we all know that we make plans and sometimes God just smiles and shakes his head at them but sometimes we are right on track.  He is planting those seeds and you create your future from those seeds!  He always gives us choices to make along the way........

If you read my blog at all or my Facebook then you know my fitness goals but this is different.....this is what I think God may have for me aside from health and fitness but that does play a huge part in my life and changing who I am.

First of all is my blog......

I feel like if I keep writing you guys will keep coming and I can only pray, and I do, that I am blessing at least one person that day with my writing!  There may only be 5 of you that read right now or forever but my prayer is that one of you read something that touches you  or encourages you!

I have thought about trying to get my blog "out there" so to speak and link up anywhere that will let me but I just don't feel drawn to do that.  I feel like if I am meant to have this as my platform then the readers will come.

I am not a fancy writer with big words and tons of Biblical knowledge but I do write from my heart and mean what I say.


About eight years ago my husband and I attended a marriage retreat called Weekend To Remember.  We went there on the verge of divorce and that weekend saved our marriage.  I remember listening to the married couple that were speakers that weekend and being in awe of their marriage and what all they had been through but yet here they were standing there teaching us through their trials and mistakes and were willing to share hurts and real feelings that some would want kept private.
I left there with a new marriage but I also left there wanting that.  I wanted to be them!  I pictured Marc and I standing on a stage teaching what we had learned through our 13 years of marriage.

Fast forward another 8 years......

It never happened.

I have over the years asked God why?  Why can't we be "that couple"?  And lately He has answered me.  One we weren't married long enough to REALLY get it enough to give advice to a crowd of married couples.  Second, we weren't ready because we had a lot more to learn!  And it would be the hard way on some things.  Third, we hadn't put Him first in our lives so why would He allow us to teach that?  Because really THAT is the answer to most marriage problems.  We had not learned the true meaning of forgiveness so how can we teach it?  I especially deal with lack of forgiveness so I have been studying what it really means and how to fully forgive!   We both deal with resentment so how can we teach that resentment is a marriage killer?  God is working on me/us in a mighty way......

21 year anniversary!
  My point to all of this is to say that God is not going to use me or us as a couple until He KNOWS we are ready.  I know that one day I will stand on a stage or write it here and tell my story!  It might be with my husband as a couple or I might be alone up there but I truly believe that it will happen.  I know that God is preparing me now.  It has been hard.  Very hard to come to terms with some things in my life and in my marriage but I do know that He holds my future and that He is equipping me for something big!
So stay tuned and for those of you that actually read I thank you!

Just thought I would throw this in for fun!  I pray this blog is around for a long time so they never forget their mom's heart and thoughts!

Sep 1, 2015

A Letter to the Man in Blue.....that lives in my home!

Dear Officer Estes,

First of all I want you to know that I love you.  I admire your want to serve the people of our county.  I am proud of you for all the hours you put in both in uniform and out of uniform!

Thank you for keeping not only us, your family safe, but the people of our community.  We are all blessed because of it.  I know that I can sleep better at night knowing that you are patrolling our streets.

I want you to know that I pray for you every day.  I pray for your safety and that God send his angels to protect you on each shift.  I pray that He keeps all evil people from you and shield you from any violence.  I pray that the Lord is your fortress, your strength and your shield!

I want you to know that I love how you always sit in a public place where you can see the door and you are always prepared to help if needed.

I want you to know that I am proud that you have served for over ten years without ever getting paid but yet have risked your life just like every other officer.

I want you to know that I am proud of the countless hours you have put in learning this profession even after the academy.   I am proud that you stay up to date on the latest training and procedures!

I want you to know that I love how you are patient with people even when they are breaking the law.  You are fair and you are kind.

I am proud that you give second chances.

I want you to know that I love how you teach any child you know about gun safety.

I want you to know that I love how 911 means so much to you and I know that if you could have I know you would have been there in a heart beat helping and saving lives.

I know through that tragedy God called you to sacrifice time and money so that you could go to school and become a peace officer.  I am proud that you worked hard and graduated top of your class receiving almost every award!

A lot of people may not understand your want to tattoo this on your body but we do and most of all God does!
THAT is all that matters!

I want you to know that me and the people of this county and beyond thank you for your dedication to serve and protect us and I pray that God always protects you and your fellow brothers in Blue!

The world needs more people like you Officer Estes!

Your proud wife and biggest prayer warrior,

Reality Check- Fitness Competition Update.....

Today I went into Corpus to meet with a guy that specializes in training girls and guys for competitions and boy was it an eye opener.

First of all his scale was SIX pounds heavier than what mine had read first thing this morning.  Of course he said HIS was the correct one!  (I am not believing that! LOL)

Second he said my body fat was 37%....OMG!  Of course I held a little video game controller thing that supposedly is able to read your body fat!  Not buying it but that number is probably pretty close which is terrible......even after loosing almost 40 lbs!
December on left
August on right

Third.....and here it is........I need to loose 50-70 more pounds to be ready for a competition!  I would be a stick!!!!!  I do not want to be a stick!

 My dream may have just been crushed........IF.......I didn't have my husband, trainers and gym family that tell me everyday I can anything I put my mind to!!  And I am putting my mind to this.........

I can hardly stand to look at my face before BUT it reminds me of how far
I have come and how hard I have worked and for that I am
so proud of myself!

So here I am putting it all out there right now!  Come July or maybe before if I get really focused and train REALLY hard I am going to show that guy up!  I WILL walk on to that stage and do my absolute best and be so proud of what I worked hard for up to that day and I probably won't be 70 lbs lighter than today maybe not even 50 but I will be the best me I can be.  I am not doing it to win anything.....that really never entered my mind.  I will win the day I step up there!

Actually the day I walked into Clydesman Gym is the day I took my life back and WON!