Aug 16, 2015

Depression.......My Story!

I have had so many women contact me and ask me questions about my working out and my weight loss.  Each one have the same thing in common when telling me their current story or situation.  DEPRESSION.....whether it be severe or just a slump they can't get out of!

Rewind my life to around November 2014 I was well on my way to a deep depression!  I truly believe that now.  Yes, to the world I looked like I had it all.......that I had it all together after moving and being in a beautiful house, the perfect kids, the perfect marriage,  the whole Facebook lie that you see.   We are all guilty of just putting the good out there for everyone to see.  Nothing wrong with that but it can be depressing at times to see!  (I am very blessed though and I know that)

When we moved here in May of 2014 I was happy!  I was sad to leave my life back home but I knew and still do know that God brought us to Sarita for a reason.  The summer was fine but once the kids went to school and the house was quiet all day and all in order and decorated IT hit!  My anxiety went through the roof and I felt sad all the time.  I felt agitated and I felt fat and I felt ugly and I hurt all over and I was lazy and I ate anything and everything and I felt sorry for myself and many many other things!  Sounds terrible but it was the truth!

I was sitting in my hubby's office in our beautiful new home and watching about my hundredth episode of Heartland on Netflix when I felt what was probably the Lord telling me to get up and do something about my situation.  I wasn't sure what that meant but I knew I was supposed to start moving and working on my health and weight and not just for my kids and husband this time but for ME.  Not sure why the Lord continues to take care of me when I clearly at the time was not giving Him my time. I was very far from God then!

 I had a friends daughter tell me about a gym in Kingsville that she loved so I emailed the owner along with a few other gyms.  I never heard back from any of them except Michael at Clydesman, where I go now!
I made an appointment to go in and talk to him about personal training.  That was set for a Monday!  Over that weekend I feel and thought I broke my ankle again.  THAT was another thing I did quiet often.  FALL!  It hurts when you are 50 lbs over weight and you fall on a fragile ankle!  SO, that postponed my starting!  I look back now and it was probably the devil trying to stop me from finding ME and making myself better for the sake of my kids and husband!

Finally after seeing a picture of myself at a parade here in town I texted him right there at the parade and told him I was coming in that week and could he modify my workouts to protect my ankle.....he said sure and I came in on that Wednesday I think it was!

I literally walk in to two body builders looking all buff and perfect and there were no machines only free weights and some other stuff I wasn't sure what they were at the time!  I was so nervous.  Talk about anxiety!  But somehow the Lord gave me my voice that day.  The owner, Michael and I just clicked.  We talked about what I wanted from the gym, which I just wanted to loose weight at the time and feel better, and we set some small goals and I left out of there anxious to get back the next day.  FINALLY, I was anxious in a good way and not a debilitating way!

THAT moment of stepping WAY OUT of my comfort zone was the day my life changed for the better and forever.  The gym is my antidepressant and my therapy!  The Bible and the gym!

I can think of about ten friends that I would like to line up and scream this at them!  I wish they and even you if you are reading and seeing yourself in the above writing, could understand that exercise is THE best form of getting rid of depressing feelings.  It creates in us the happy endorphins!  That is the truth!

I realize that I don't work.  I know that.  I have been told a hundred times that it is easier for me because I don't work.  I understand that and I am sure it is hard but I can guarantee you that you can find ONE hour somewhere to do this for you.  Get up an hour earlier or go to bed an hour later.  It is that important!
I wish I could bottle up this feeling of being 37 lbs lighter and I wish I could tell you all the things that it changes for the better.  I wish every women could know what confidence feels like.  I look to the world like I am the most confident women out there but I wasn't!  I have never thought I was good enough, pretty enough, or whatever but I do now!  I did that!  I earned that!  I validated myself and no one else did it for me.  It is something that no one can give you but you!  Do it for yourself.  You are worth it!  You deserve it!




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