Dec 1, 2015

My Future Son-in-Law......

I realize that I am going to blink my eyes an my precious baby girl will be preparing for her wedding day.  That makes me so excited and so scared all at the same time.
I pray all the time for her future husband.  I have so many specific qualities I would love for him to have.  Her dad and I will be trusting our precious little girl's heart to this man to take and cherish forever!
 I also pray that we raise her to make good choices and to trust in God to send her the husband that He chose for her.  I realize that she is only 6 now but I believe it's never to early to prepare your children for their future mate.  And it's never to early to start praying specifics over them!

Here are a few thoughts and prayers that I pray over my future son in law!

That he right now in this moment is being raised in a Christian home and is falling in love with Jesus even at an early age!

That he grow to be a man of mighty faith.
A man of integrity.
A loyal and honest man.
I pray that he is brave and smart.
I pray that he is raised with convictions and that he always fears God.
I pray that he prays daily and carries it on to pray with my daughter as a couple.
I hope that he grows to be a leader but that he is always led by only God.

I pray that he cherishes my little girls heart always.
That he protects her both physically and mentally.

I pray that he will always handle my daughter with grace and forgiveness.
I pray that he is patient with her.
I hope that he is compassionate towards her.
I hope that he knows that love is a choice that he should make daily.

I pray that both my daughter and he knows what a covenant before God means before saying "I do".

I pray with all that I am that he will learn early on and continue to know that he is to love my little girl like Christ loves His church.

I also hope they have so many of the little things that us women actually consider to be BIG things!

Watch a "chick flick"......it's ok to watch one with her every now and then!

Romancing her!  You can still be macho and manly and do something romantic!

Flowers.....girls love flowers for no reason.  Not Valentines or holidays but just for no reason.

Compliment her.  I hope that he tells her everyday that she is beautiful, smart, funny, strong........
Tell her he is proud of her.
That he is blessed to have her!

Take her on date nights.....let her get dressed up!
Walk on the beach.
I pray that you teach her your hobbies.
Travel with her.


I end by saying that I pray that he loves us and thinks of us as his second set of parents.

I pray that he will see Christ in our marriage and that my little girl does too!

Don't worry if you are still with me......I have a long list of things I am going to try to teach my daughter as I know that the mother of this young man is out there today praying for my little girl.  I pray that this mother and I became great friends and grandmother's together one day!


















Oct 28, 2015

My Results So Far.....

As most of you know I have been working out steadily for 10 months now and as of this morning have almost lost 50 lbs.  Almost!  (2 lbs to go....)

Never in a million years did I think I would be here today in this body!  I feel better than I have in a really long time....I mean REALLY long!  I can't remember the last time I had this much confidence in myself and in my capabilities.  I have learned that I can do so much more than I ever thought possible.  I have learned that age is really only a number if you take care of yourself and exercise and eat right.  To think that I had gone to my ob/gyn to ask him about weight loss surgeries only to hear him give me a lecture on doing it the hard way and not taking the risk that comes along with surgeries.  I left that day as low as one can get and weighing in at 230 lbs!  Yes, you read that right!  I almost passed out when I saw that number and realized what I had done to myself.

I had already joined the gym and had been going for a month.  Those were some hard weeks but after hearing what all my doc said I knew I couldn't give up!  My life depended on it.  I had to be the best I could be so I could be around a long time for my kids and not miss out on anymore of life!

Here is the good part.......this morning I weighed 182.....I am 5"9".  I now wear the same size that I did when I weighed 160-165 (8 years ago!) and was just thin and not working out.  My body has shaped up totally different from lifting weights and doing the cross training type workouts that I am doing.

The day I entered my gym my waist (across my belly button) measured 42 inches and this morning it measured 35!  That is 7 inches!!!

So there it is folks.....the number that I said  would go to my grave with and never tell...... but if it helps just one person know that you to can get up and get moving to feel and look better then I it was worth it!


So my new goal is to compete in the Battle on the Bay here in Corpus Christi on July 9th, 2016 in the bikini division for my age group and height!  I am excited to see the results of the hard work I will have to put in!

FACE to FACE...........no more chubby cheeks!

DECEMBER (230lbs)  to TODAY (182lbs)!  Time to start building that butt and rounding it out!!!

Sep 10, 2015

My Future......

I have thought a lot lately about my future and what it holds.  I know WHO holds it and I know what I want it to look like but we all know that we make plans and sometimes God just smiles and shakes his head at them but sometimes we are right on track.  He is planting those seeds and you create your future from those seeds!  He always gives us choices to make along the way........

If you read my blog at all or my Facebook then you know my fitness goals but this is different.....this is what I think God may have for me aside from health and fitness but that does play a huge part in my life and changing who I am.

First of all is my blog......

I feel like if I keep writing you guys will keep coming and I can only pray, and I do, that I am blessing at least one person that day with my writing!  There may only be 5 of you that read right now or forever but my prayer is that one of you read something that touches you  or encourages you!

I have thought about trying to get my blog "out there" so to speak and link up anywhere that will let me but I just don't feel drawn to do that.  I feel like if I am meant to have this as my platform then the readers will come.

I am not a fancy writer with big words and tons of Biblical knowledge but I do write from my heart and mean what I say.


Second......

About eight years ago my husband and I attended a marriage retreat called Weekend To Remember.  We went there on the verge of divorce and that weekend saved our marriage.  I remember listening to the married couple that were speakers that weekend and being in awe of their marriage and what all they had been through but yet here they were standing there teaching us through their trials and mistakes and were willing to share hurts and real feelings that some would want kept private.
I left there with a new marriage but I also left there wanting that.  I wanted to be them!  I pictured Marc and I standing on a stage teaching what we had learned through our 13 years of marriage.

Fast forward another 8 years......

It never happened.

I have over the years asked God why?  Why can't we be "that couple"?  And lately He has answered me.  One we weren't married long enough to REALLY get it enough to give advice to a crowd of married couples.  Second, we weren't ready because we had a lot more to learn!  And it would be the hard way on some things.  Third, we hadn't put Him first in our lives so why would He allow us to teach that?  Because really THAT is the answer to most marriage problems.  We had not learned the true meaning of forgiveness so how can we teach it?  I especially deal with lack of forgiveness so I have been studying what it really means and how to fully forgive!   We both deal with resentment so how can we teach that resentment is a marriage killer?  God is working on me/us in a mighty way......

21 year anniversary!
  My point to all of this is to say that God is not going to use me or us as a couple until He KNOWS we are ready.  I know that one day I will stand on a stage or write it here and tell my story!  It might be with my husband as a couple or I might be alone up there but I truly believe that it will happen.  I know that God is preparing me now.  It has been hard.  Very hard to come to terms with some things in my life and in my marriage but I do know that He holds my future and that He is equipping me for something big!
So stay tuned and for those of you that actually read I thank you!

Just thought I would throw this in for fun!  I pray this blog is around for a long time so they never forget their mom's heart and thoughts!

Sep 1, 2015

A Letter to the Man in Blue.....that lives in my home!

Dear Officer Estes,


First of all I want you to know that I love you.  I admire your want to serve the people of our county.  I am proud of you for all the hours you put in both in uniform and out of uniform!

Thank you for keeping not only us, your family safe, but the people of our community.  We are all blessed because of it.  I know that I can sleep better at night knowing that you are patrolling our streets.

I want you to know that I pray for you every day.  I pray for your safety and that God send his angels to protect you on each shift.  I pray that He keeps all evil people from you and shield you from any violence.  I pray that the Lord is your fortress, your strength and your shield!



I want you to know that I love how you always sit in a public place where you can see the door and you are always prepared to help if needed.

I want you to know that I am proud that you have served for over ten years without ever getting paid but yet have risked your life just like every other officer.

I want you to know that I am proud of the countless hours you have put in learning this profession even after the academy.   I am proud that you stay up to date on the latest training and procedures!

I want you to know that I love how you are patient with people even when they are breaking the law.  You are fair and you are kind.

I am proud that you give second chances.

I want you to know that I love how you teach any child you know about gun safety.

I want you to know that I love how 911 means so much to you and I know that if you could have I know you would have been there in a heart beat helping and saving lives.

I know through that tragedy God called you to sacrifice time and money so that you could go to school and become a peace officer.  I am proud that you worked hard and graduated top of your class receiving almost every award!

A lot of people may not understand your want to tattoo this on your body but we do and most of all God does!
THAT is all that matters!

I want you to know that me and the people of this county and beyond thank you for your dedication to serve and protect us and I pray that God always protects you and your fellow brothers in Blue!



The world needs more people like you Officer Estes!


Your proud wife and biggest prayer warrior,
Lesley


Reality Check- Fitness Competition Update.....

Today I went into Corpus to meet with a guy that specializes in training girls and guys for competitions and boy was it an eye opener.

First of all his scale was SIX pounds heavier than what mine had read first thing this morning.  Of course he said HIS was the correct one!  (I am not believing that! LOL)

Second he said my body fat was 37%....OMG!  Of course I held a little video game controller thing that supposedly is able to read your body fat!  Not buying it but that number is probably pretty close which is terrible......even after loosing almost 40 lbs!
December on left
August on right

Third.....and here it is........I need to loose 50-70 more pounds to be ready for a competition!  I would be a stick!!!!!  I do not want to be a stick!

 My dream may have just been crushed........IF.......I didn't have my husband, trainers and gym family that tell me everyday I can anything I put my mind to!!  And I am putting my mind to this.........

I can hardly stand to look at my face before BUT it reminds me of how far
I have come and how hard I have worked and for that I am
so proud of myself!

So here I am putting it all out there right now!  Come July or maybe before if I get really focused and train REALLY hard I am going to show that guy up!  I WILL walk on to that stage and do my absolute best and be so proud of what I worked hard for up to that day and I probably won't be 70 lbs lighter than today maybe not even 50 but I will be the best me I can be.  I am not doing it to win anything.....that really never entered my mind.  I will win the day I step up there!

Actually the day I walked into Clydesman Gym is the day I took my life back and WON!



Aug 31, 2015

A Letter to Emily......when she is grown!

My Sweet Precious Girl.......

I prayed for you this morning like I do most mornings.  This morning was different.  I prayed for strength and a wholeness for you that can only come through Christ.  I prayed that you know without a doubt that not only are you our daughter but that you are a daughter of The King.  I pray that as your mother and a women myself I can instill this in you all of your days as my little girl living in my home.  I pray that I can equip you with the right tools to be a strong women in Christ! 


The world is going to tell you that you need an education, work experience, and that you are wrong if you want to just be a mom and wife.  Yes, an education is an amazing thing and I hope that you decide that you want to go to college and yes women can do and be anything they want in this world and that is a great thing.  I pray that God shows you over time the unique talents and gifts that He created you with.  I pray that I instill in you a confidence that is unbreakable.  I hope that you ignore what the world offers to you and you only look to Christ and what He offers you.  
I hope that I don't teach you to "breathe fire" like the world is saying to women of faith and stay at home mom's right now but I hope that I teach you to honor God for all that he made you to be....whatever that is!  

There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom if that is what you choose.  I have been one my whole married life.  That is all I ever wanted to be.  Have I struggled with feelings of not measuring up to "the world" because of it?  Yes, but God reminds me every day that you and your brothers are my calling and "the world" doesn't make me who I am!  Christ did and still does! There is also nothing wrong with being a mother and wife that works out of the home!  Your Meme was and she is strong and independent and beautiful! 


 
There is no higher calling than to be a loving wife and mother! (taken from the words of your mamaw!)

I hope that either one you choose you will try your best to be a Proverbs 31 wife and mother.  

A woman who was a wife and mother; smart enough to consider a piece of real estate, buy it and plant a vineyard, she also made and sold fine fabrics. A woman who rose early to take care of household's needs. Her husband admired her. She was wise and kind, she gave to the poor. This is the kind of woman we should all strive to be, the kind of example for all daughters.
~again taken from Mamaw's words to me recently but straight from the Bible!



So my sweet girl.....I leave you with this......you were created by God, a miracle baby from conception, a gift to your Dad and I for hard work and restoration, you were created for a higher calling that one day will be revealed to you.  I hope that you accept it with confidence and with strength and know that no matter what the Lord is your rock.  He is your everything.  He offers grace everyday and so should you.  He died for our sins and we should be quick to offer forgiveness and mercy.  I have no doubt that you are going to be a wonderful mother and wife one day if that is the path He has chosen for you!   

I love you my angel,
 Mom.


Aug 26, 2015

The Sin No One Talks About.......

Gluttony!

Gluttony- habitual greed or excess in eating.

Gluttony is generally defined as "excessive eating." In the Bible, the word glutton and its variants are often mentioned alongside drunkenness. Therefore, it is clear that a glutton is someone who eats more than is healthy or eats excessively and that such behavior is considered sinful. Furthermore, gluttony is presented as an ongoing practice, not typically as a one-time activity.


Wow....that is an eye opener for sure.  We talk about all of these other sins we do but we never hear this one mentioned.  But it's there in the Bible!  And a lot of us are doing it every day.   Ouch.  That can hurt to be told that.  It hurts me even now!  I am learning that food is really just to fuel your body.  I struggle with this daily......many times a day!  I have learned that eating clean makes me feel better and not eating all the yucky stuff I used to eat that always made me feel bogged down and gross.

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple. ~1 Corinthians 3:16-17


I am sure that scripture can be interpreted many different ways to each of us but here is my OPINION today!  I say today because I am in a different place than I was 6 months ago.  

I believe that we should love our bodies the way God intended.  Our body is a temple that He created.  If His spirit dwells inside you and you know that then why would we feed ourselves stuff that isn't healthy or good for us.  Why would we let ourselves get over weight and be miserable?  That isn't good for our heart, or any organ for that matter!  

I am here to tell you that everything changes when you feel better physically because then you feel better mentally.  It's so hard to do over night but you can start right now with one small change. Maybe that is cutting out that coke you drink everyday or that cake you have each day.  I am in no way saying that you can't ever have cake!  I have cake every now and then! I am telling you NO COKE!  LOL!  It's gross....it's like drinking metal or something!  I am also not saying that I have mastered all of this.....I haven't!  But I want it so bad!  

I want to please God with how I feed this body that He created for me.  If you think about how he made our bodies....especially a women's body it's truly a miracle.  We can grow a sweet precious baby in our body and feed that baby after giving birth.  THAT is what our bodies can do!  THAT is what HE created!  We owe it to him to take care of it the way I know He intended!




So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.  ~1 Corinthians 10:31













Taken from a website where I was ready about gluttony!











God has blessed us by filling the earth with foods that are delicious, nutritious, and pleasurable. We should honor God's creation by enjoying these foods and by eating them in appropriate quantities. God calls us to control our appetites, rather than allowing them to control us.

Check back tomorrow when I blog about all the ways this healthy life style has helped my marriage!  My mom and dad might not want to read!  KIDDING!!!!  Calm down!  


Aug 18, 2015

Fisher's of Men..........

And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”  Matthew 4:19

I am embarrassed to say that I have never led anyone to the Lord. Not even my own children.  One was led by his grandmother, one was led by his dad and one by a sweet teacher!  What if I were to die tomorrow and have to look at Jesus in the face and say "no, I never led anyone to You."  Somehow sorry would just not be enough especially after all He has done for me in my life.   What if he asks me what I have done for His kingdom?  I don't know what I would say.  I have been nice.  I have been a giver.  I have been a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, and friend.  Somehow that just doesn't seem like enough either!



My husband and I are doing a marriage study by Francis and Lisa Chan and something they said in chapter one hit me.......God is watching our every move!  EVERYTHING.....he knows every action we take, every thought we have, and hears every word we say.  I hope the day the Lord returns I am doing something great for His kingdom.  I hope it is pleasing to him!  I hope that by then I have led many people to Him.   

The good thing is that His mercies are new every day.  He paid for our sins long ago on the cross.  Have you ever thought about that day?  Picture those nails being driven through his hands and the pain and suffering he went through for US!  For me and for you!  (I am serious....stop right now and really think about it......it's chilling to say the least!)

I was listening to Francis Chan preach on "The Biggest Lie in Your Life" and he said if someone were to interview your friends what would they say about you?  I would assume that my friends would say pretty good things about me.  BUT....what if someone was to interview GOD about me?  What would He say?  I am afraid he would say she was a hypocrite.  WOW!  Think about that for a minute.  It's the truth.  We are all one to some degree......at least those of us who choose to give advice, share our experiences, blog.....etc!  I know that I am.   As people we are far more concerned about our reputation or what people think about us than we are our character and what Christ thinks of us!  (ugh!  those are francis's words and that hurt!)

Lots of things I have written here on this blog were for you and not something I was following or doing myself.  I am embarrassed to admit that but it's true.

I am sorry for that.  Very sorry.  I mean that with every ounce of my being.  All I can say is that I meant well and at the times even believed what I was writing. 

If I am ever going to be a fisher of men then that needs to change.  I need to change.  Every minute of my life needs to change.  My thoughts need to change.  My actions need to change.  My mouth, my life, my everything.  And my words on here need to change.  They need to be true and real and honest!

This morning I had to go back and revisit my blog post A Broken Heart and listen to my preachers sermon again on healing from a broken heart.  Some of what I wrote I had to take my own advice.  It was hard to know that I was the author of those words just a few months back.  
One day I will share with you guys about my recent broken heart.  I am just not ready right now.  He is still growing me and giving me wisdom and strength to say it the right way.  



I want to be able to one day write or speak about it with total honesty and total healing!  The above scripture scares me but it is true.  I know that once I start to REALLY follow God's calling on my life people are not going to understand.  I actually have already started in many ways.....I just haven't talked about it yet!  I will probably loose followers and maybe even friends but that is ok.....I want this blog to be about Him and my personal walk and not about how many are reading and how many followers I have!  

I pray that the day I lead that first person to the Lord that the Lord and that person know that I come with a pure heart for Him.....to share His good news and what He can do for your life.  What He has already done for you and for me!  But most of all I want the Lord to know I did it with a pure heart.....a heart of honesty and forgiveness!

Today I will go visit with a pastor at my church, who my husband and I have gotten really close to and who has touched our lives in a huge way and he will pray with me and continue to give me guidance and I hope to come back to my next blog post ready to become that fisher of men and I pray that you guys can read with complete confidence that I am who I say I am and I practice what I preach!  

I love each of you and pray for anyone that takes the time to read what I have on my heart at that time!  I mean that!  

God Bless!!!!


I love this picture of hubby's arm!  The old rugged cross and home.  Doesn't get any better than that!














Aug 16, 2015

Depression.......My Story!

I have had so many women contact me and ask me questions about my working out and my weight loss.  Each one have the same thing in common when telling me their current story or situation.  DEPRESSION.....whether it be severe or just a slump they can't get out of!

Rewind my life to around November 2014 I was well on my way to a deep depression!  I truly believe that now.  Yes, to the world I looked like I had it all.......that I had it all together after moving and being in a beautiful house, the perfect kids, the perfect marriage,  the whole Facebook lie that you see.   We are all guilty of just putting the good out there for everyone to see.  Nothing wrong with that but it can be depressing at times to see!  (I am very blessed though and I know that)

When we moved here in May of 2014 I was happy!  I was sad to leave my life back home but I knew and still do know that God brought us to Sarita for a reason.  The summer was fine but once the kids went to school and the house was quiet all day and all in order and decorated IT hit!  My anxiety went through the roof and I felt sad all the time.  I felt agitated and I felt fat and I felt ugly and I hurt all over and I was lazy and I ate anything and everything and I felt sorry for myself and many many other things!  Sounds terrible but it was the truth!

I was sitting in my hubby's office in our beautiful new home and watching about my hundredth episode of Heartland on Netflix when I felt what was probably the Lord telling me to get up and do something about my situation.  I wasn't sure what that meant but I knew I was supposed to start moving and working on my health and weight and not just for my kids and husband this time but for ME.  Not sure why the Lord continues to take care of me when I clearly at the time was not giving Him my time. I was very far from God then!

 I had a friends daughter tell me about a gym in Kingsville that she loved so I emailed the owner along with a few other gyms.  I never heard back from any of them except Michael at Clydesman, where I go now!
I made an appointment to go in and talk to him about personal training.  That was set for a Monday!  Over that weekend I feel and thought I broke my ankle again.  THAT was another thing I did quiet often.  FALL!  It hurts when you are 50 lbs over weight and you fall on a fragile ankle!  SO, that postponed my starting!  I look back now and it was probably the devil trying to stop me from finding ME and making myself better for the sake of my kids and husband!

Finally after seeing a picture of myself at a parade here in town I texted him right there at the parade and told him I was coming in that week and could he modify my workouts to protect my ankle.....he said sure and I came in on that Wednesday I think it was!

I literally walk in to two body builders looking all buff and perfect and there were no machines only free weights and some other stuff I wasn't sure what they were at the time!  I was so nervous.  Talk about anxiety!  But somehow the Lord gave me my voice that day.  The owner, Michael and I just clicked.  We talked about what I wanted from the gym, which I just wanted to loose weight at the time and feel better, and we set some small goals and I left out of there anxious to get back the next day.  FINALLY, I was anxious in a good way and not a debilitating way!

THAT moment of stepping WAY OUT of my comfort zone was the day my life changed for the better and forever.  The gym is my antidepressant and my therapy!  The Bible and the gym!

I can think of about ten friends that I would like to line up and scream this at them!  I wish they and even you if you are reading and seeing yourself in the above writing, could understand that exercise is THE best form of getting rid of depressing feelings.  It creates in us the happy endorphins!  That is the truth!

I realize that I don't work.  I know that.  I have been told a hundred times that it is easier for me because I don't work.  I understand that and I am sure it is hard but I can guarantee you that you can find ONE hour somewhere to do this for you.  Get up an hour earlier or go to bed an hour later.  It is that important!
I wish I could bottle up this feeling of being 37 lbs lighter and I wish I could tell you all the things that it changes for the better.  I wish every women could know what confidence feels like.  I look to the world like I am the most confident women out there but I wasn't!  I have never thought I was good enough, pretty enough, or whatever but I do now!  I did that!  I earned that!  I validated myself and no one else did it for me.  It is something that no one can give you but you!  Do it for yourself.  You are worth it!  You deserve it!




Aug 15, 2015

Our Anniversary and a new ME!

We had a really good anniversary night out!  We went to a fancy restaurant and spent the night on the water in Corpus at the Omni!  We exchanged gifts and talked a lot about the last 21 years of our marriage.  We are blessed for sure.  We didn't get here easy but I am so proud of the hard work we have put in and of our beautiful family that God created for us!
Every prayer I had for this night was answered and then some!  God is that good when you are faithful to Him and follow His plan for your life.  
Hubby looks a little drunk but I promise he wasn't!  This was the best pic out of the two the girl took for us!
The view from our suite!  We had two balconies!!!  This was so pretty at night!


OK....so on to the new ME!  Here are some my "new" before pictures that hubby took for me a few days ago.  My hubby and I decided that I would not post some of them because I am just not comfortable showing that much skin. (But then again I am training for a bikini contest!)  My family and friends won't be at the show though (only hubby) and no one will really know me so maybe that is how I am condoning it!  Idk.........

I have one more week of the kids being home then I will start training five days with my trainer and even some days have two a days which will be mostly cardio!
I am starting back Monday on my meal plan and eating really clean!  I have about twenty or more pounds I want to loose again.  I have seemed to hit a plateau and need to kick start it again!

I am scared at the hard work I have ahead of me but so excited to achieve my goal.  I have even thought if I work hard enough I can do it sooner than next summer.  We will see!

As you can see I have love handles!  I REALLY have to work on my tummy!
I also have thick thighs so I have some work to do there too!


This picture wasn't the best quality but I am covered!  Excited to compare in a month or two!


That is the only ones I am going to share for now!  Maybe once I get to the finished product I will share a side by side!  

My waist measured 36 inches......that was putting the tape directly over my belly button!  (In March it measured 42)  WOW!  

I haven't done my other measurements yet but will do those this week.  I am also going to figure out my fat percentage so I can work on getting that down!  

Gonna be a busy year but one I can't wait to do!





Aug 12, 2015

Vows~

I was so excited to write our vows.  Yes, I said OURS!  This girl was in control of it all when it came to our wedding.  Me and my mom that is!!!!  :)

I can remember getting a book from a sweet friend of my mother in law and was so excited to read through it and read all of the different vows in it.  I sat down and wrote out what exactly we were to say to each other.
I meant what I was writing but not once did I pray over them or even consult my soon to be husband. He didn't seem to worried about it either at the time.  I think he was just ready to get this wedding show over and done with.  Even after writing them out for us both the night of rehearsal the preacher that married us had changed them all up!  Not one word was from me or my heart it was all his words.  Some of the words I didn't even understand but I was young and didn't speak up!

It all boils down to that we were to young to get married.  Both in age and most of all spiritually!  I often wonder what our lives would have been like if we would have had a daily walk with our Lord and a real relationship with Him.  Not just the one where you know who He is and you have even accepted Him as your savior but the one where He is your go to for everything!  I am embarrassed to say that He wasn't back then.

I am not saying that we have had a bad marriage.....of course we haven't.  Yes, we have had some big ups and some big downs but we have stuck it out.  We have grown so much in our faith that sometimes I look back at our wedding with regrets.   Not the actual wedding itself but the parts that should be the most important like THE COVENANT!

If I could say new vows today they would be so different.  They would be words filled with the Holy Spirit and words that I mean....they would be MY words and Marc's would be HIS words.  Promises that I would never break and a real covenant between me, God and my husband!  I wouldn't change one thing about my life and even some of the trials we have been through because that is what grows us but I would change the fact that the Lord would be the one officiating my ceremony and not my flesh!

Who knows maybe one day we will have that chance but until then tomorrow I will spend time with my hubby and remember the last 21 years of our marriage and how God has blessed us so much even if we didn't always do His will!

My catch!!!!!  

A great night in NYC!  Nothing better than a date night with my hubby!!!!

One thing we have always had is laughter!!!!!  This man makes me laugh like no other!!!!




Aug 10, 2015

Making Memories of Us.........Anniversary Week!

This week 21years ago I was preparing to become a bride.  I say bride because I really had no idea what it meant to be a wife but I knew how to be a bride!  I had the perfect makeup, the perfect hair, the perfect dress, no detail had been left undone!  The church was beautiful, the flowers amazing and all of our family and friends were there!
I know without a doubt that God brought us together and that we were meant to be husband and wife but I didn't have a clue what that meant.  What is a wife?


WIFE- A married women considered especially in relation to her spouse.
  synonyms- spouse, partner, life partner, mate, consort, woman, helpmate

Another definition was-  a women, especially an old or uneducated one.

I was the later definition.....and uneducated wife!  I had no idea what it meant to be a wife.  Much less a Biblical one.  I am talking about the one that I feel God is showing me today how to be.

I feel like a hypocrite as I have blogged on Biblical submission and given marriage advice and talked about putting God first in your life and probably led many of you to believe that I have it all right.

That WE live this perfect life.  Let me tell you that we don't.  We fail every day.  I fail every day at being the wife I know He created me to be.

I googled the Biblical definition of wife and it was long so I will summarize it!

Here are God's goals for wives........

1. The wife is to be discrete.  (Proverbs 31:10-12)

2.  The wife is to be chaste.  (This was and still is easy for me.  I only have eyes for my husband.  I think he is the best looking man in the world!  This vow is and always will be easy for me..

3.  The wife is to be the keeper of the home.  ( I have always kept a nicely decorated home and my husband has always loved that about me but in the early years it was a pig sty!)  I can say today and for many years I have kept a clean house....it may not always be perfectly straight but it's clean!)

I am embarrassed to say that it took me 20 years of marriage to learn the importance of cooking for your family each night.  That means a lot to my husband and as a stay at home mom that is my job. This is one thing that I really regret!  Moving to the country helped fix that though!

4.  The wife is to be spiritually minded.  Wives should give a picture of the church to the world.  If you respect your husband you respect the church!  If you don't then you show the world that Christ does not respect the church!

Husbands should give a picture of how Christ loves us.  If a husband deserts his wife he shows the world that Christ will desert us!

THAT is some big shoes to fill...........

We have had it so wrong for so long.

I am thanking the Lord tonight for his grace and mercy on us.  On our marriage!  I am thankful that he paid the price for our sins so long ago.  I am thankful that he is forgiving and keeps no record of wrongs.  I look forward to living out all he is teaching my hubby and me!

I will leave you with this song and video that my hubby dedicated to me on a trip to Colorado this summer.  It was spur of the moment and just me and him.  It was amazing.  Better than my honeymoon all those years ago.  Who would have thought that it would take me 21 years to fall in love with my husband the way that Christ really intended us to be in love.



One day I hope to share more with you guys but just know that God can heal anything and can restore anything.  He makes things new and he changes people for His glory and into His image!

My prayer is that one day people look at our marriage and see the Gospel of Christ.











Aug 5, 2015

A BIG Goal...........

I can't even believe that I am writing and telling this but if I put it out there then I will be held accountable!

As you all know I have been working out with a trainer since December of last year.  To date I have lost 37 lbs.  I am happy!!!!  I still have about thirty more to loose.....maybe twenty depending on how my body shapes up.  I am 42!!!!!!!

I feel better than I have in a long time.......a REALLY long time!  I sometimes can't believe that I have hung in there this long.  It's hard and now this summer it is HOT in that gym!  When it's a 100 degrees outside it's even hotter in the gym.  I have not gotten sick or passed out one time!  Came close but have hung in there and finished each workout.

I have more confidence than I have in years.  Some might say that I am addicted to working out now! I look forward to going and am ready for September when I go back to five days a week with my trainer.

Speaking of my trainer/trainers.......they are the best!  I seriously think God sent them to me at just the right time.  My new trainer is Lauren!  She is small but TOUGH!  I LOVE her!  She pushes me and believes in me.  She used to be a softball player and is married to a football coach at TAMUK and loves cross fit/ working out!  She has showed me how to love myself and believe in myself no matter what age I am or where I am at in my fitness journey!

This is Lauren!!!!!

LOOK at that back!!!!!  Mine will look that good SOON!

  I was embarrassed to tell them my goal but they didn't blink an eye.  They believe in me more than I believe in myself!

So here is my new goal.........

I am going to TRAIN to do a bikini competition!  Now before anyone freaks out hear me out!  I KNOW that it's not going to be easy.  I KNOW that I have a lot of work to do.  I KNOW that I have to watch everything that goes into my mouth.  I KNOW that I might never be ready BUT I am going to give it my best shot!  I have never set a goal this big for myself.  I am so excited.

I am also a very conservative person and putting on that bathing suit and walking onto that stage in front of a lot of people will probably be the hardest part for me.  I am still working on that part in my mind!

I will keep you guys posted.  I am going to post all of my new before pictures in the next couple of days so check back!!!!

Battle on The Bay- July 2016.........that is my goal!!!!




Jun 15, 2015

ONE pound away.......

and I will have lost 30 lbs!!!!  I sometimes didn't think this day would come but it did!  I have worked hard for it too.  My gym has changed who I am and who I want to be!  The best thing I have done in a long time was step out of my comfort zone and into that gym where everyone looked perfect (to me) and everyone was fast, stronger and YOUNGER than me!!!!  I thank God that I did it though.  I have met some good friends and they have all cheered me on every step of the way.  My trainer/s have pushed me hard each time!  I love it and will never quit!

This was me on day one (left) and today is on the right.........

(My picture today I weigh exactly what I weighed when I started p90x two years ago and my body looks totally different!  It is because of weight lifting.  Muscles weighs more than fat!)



I can finally cross my legs without trouble!
My thighs don't rub together when I walk!
I don't get out of breath easy anymore.
I don't have heartburn.
I can do a push up.
I can do assisted pull ups.
I am strong!
I am beautiful and for once in a long time I actually feel it!
I have energy!
I am excited for my future in fitness and to see where I can take my 42 year old body.
I am getting strong mentally every day.
I am starting to NOT doubt myself anymore.
I am getting healthy!
For the first time ever I am starting to see the muscles form in my arms.
I can actually say that I lift weights.
I set a goal to one day do a cross fit competition.
My "baby" belly is getting so much smaller.
Since december I have lost about 5 inches off my waist.  I measure across my belly button.
I have lost about 4 inches off my hips!
My skin is bouncing back a whole lot better than I thought it would.
I enjoy shopping.

And I AM ONLY HALF WAY done with my weight loss!  I can't wait until I am announcing my last 30 lbs gone!


May 26, 2015

What Do I Eat......

A lot of people ask me about my meal plan and today I really sat down and wrote it all out and even wrote up a schedule for me this week.  I have been cooking all morning!  It's takes a lot of time but it's so worth it when you can put on those pants you haven't worn in a really long time!

Here is this weeks.........

Meal 1 (around 9 AM)-  I drink a protein shake on my way to the gym and during my workout along with water!

Meal 2-  11 AM-   Ground Turkey seasoned with Mrs Dash and steamed fresh green beans.  2 table spoons of natural peanut butter and half of an apple.

Meal 3- 2 PM-  Handful of almonds, 1/2 banana, lettuce wrap with really good lunch meat bought at the deli with no sodium, etc....

Meal 4-  6 PM- Lemon Garlic Chicken with grilled onions and broccoli and small serving of sweet potatoes.

Meal 5- 8 PM- Edimame, avocado slices and cucumbers

I try to be in the bed by 9:30 or 10 each night so I am ready for my hard workout at 9 am the next morning!  I am working out 5 days a week sometimes 6 and burning about 600 calories each workout.  I also was just told to do cardio or HIIT at night so I will start that tonight!  There are lots of good HIIT workouts on pinterest for anyone wanting to start doing something!

It seems like a lot of food and honestly the last two weeks I didn't get it all in but supposedly there is a science to all of that food and working out so hard so I am ready to see it work!

I am down 21-23 lbs already (depending on when I weigh) and am ready to get that next 25 off and keep it off!!!!

As soon as I hit the 25 lb mark and I hope it is next week I will do pictures again!

I will say that it has been a long time since I have had the confidence I have today and I love every minute of it.  It's not always easy but so worth it!

The saying really is true.......

If you fail to plan then plan to fail...........

Also to loose weight at 40 or after you have to MOVE your body and eat right and the thing I hate most drink water!!!  I am working on the water part........







Apr 26, 2015

My Fitness Journey Update!

Well it's been 4 months since I walked into Clydesman Fitness!  Wow........time sure flies!  I feel like the first month was rocky......it was so hard!  The hardest workouts I have ever done.  It wasn't until about the middle of February that I felt like I was in the grove of things and it was then that I switched to 5 days a week with my trainer!
I still am so scared of pull ups, even assisted, and I am just now doing better at burpees and I loose every challenge we do at the gym BUT I never quit!  I have the best two trainers and they don't let me quit and I really don't want too!

I went to my well woman check up on January 17 so that was a day I weighed and was disgusted once again!  Since that date I have lost ten pounds.  The last time I weighed was about a month ago when I was sick.  That was around March 24th.  I just can't bring myself to weigh again right now as I know if it doesn't show something I am happy with I will be discouraged!   Until that day I feel confident to weigh I will just do measurements and pictures.  I actually didn't do my measurements until March 11th so I have probably actually lost a little more.

Since then I have lost 2 inches off my waist and just this morning finally measured 1 inch off my hips!  They were staying the same.  ALL THE SQUATS!  We do a ton of squats!!!!  I can handle a small waist and big booty as long as it's a hard booty and not a giggly one!!!!  So those measurements are just in the last month......2 inches in one month!  I am happy!

I haven't taken any pictures in my same before outfit but will do that this week.  I did take a picture tonight after wearing a pair of shorts I bought last summer and I could not hold them up today!  I am putting these in the donation box for sure.


I will be honest here and say that I don't feel like the skin on my tummy area is going to bounce back.....I am forty!!!  I think it will be loose once I reach my goal so as I told my trainer come about December or January of next year if I go missing for a couple of weeks then you know I got that stuff fixed!  IE: tummy tuck!!!  LOL!  He says I won't need it......we shall see!!!

I am going to take all the other measurements this week.....arms, thighs, chest, etc........

Stay tuned!!!!!




Apr 14, 2015

My kid just doesn't measure up!

Is a lie!  A lie that the devil wants you to believe because if you, THEIR MOM OR DAD, believe that then so will your child one day!

Is your kid the one on the baseball field that is WAY out there in outfield picking the flowers or picking grass?  Is your kid the one that keeps that bench warm most of the time?  Is your kid the one that has to have the tutors just to pass that math class?  Is your child the shy one?  Or maybe your child is the very outgoing one that seems to, by some people's opinions, be way to outgoing?  Or maybe your child just didn't want to play sports or learn an instrument?  That list can go on and on by today's standards of what makes our children successful kids or even teenagers.

It's hard as a mom to watch all of those things.  Believe me I have been there.  I have been that mom.  I have been that mom that reads the Facebook status's about how this kid made honor roll, this one made all stars, this one got in this great college and so on......... and sometimes you feel sorry for yourself as a mom and your child because YOU know that your child is just as great as "the others".

But for a split moment the devil leads you to think your child is not as good as those kids.  Sometimes it even lasts longer than a split second.  But then I look at my child and I know that he (or she) was created by God and He does not make mistakes on how he makes us.

One day I decided that I was not going to dwell on what my kids can't do and start praising them for what they can do.....even if it doesn't involve any of the above mentioned!  That is a picture of what the world thinks they should be.....not what Christ wants them to be!   I wish more people could see that and really know it.

My oldest son has been at a crossroads so to speak the last few months.  He graduated from high school and we moved the next day.  He then went off to college only to learn that it wasn't for him right now.  He came home.  I know that he was embarrassed even though he has nothing to be embarrassed about.  He did nothing wrong.  Just wasn't ready.  He's questioned everything he's ever done academically and has doubted his ability to do anything many times over the last few months UNTIL he and I started praying together each night.

We pray simple prayers of "Lord, show us what your will is?"  "Lord, go before Taylor and make the path straight so that he knows without a doubt what he is to do in life."  We praise Him for the things he is going to do in Taylor's life and praise Him for all he has already done.

Over the last week or longer the Lord has revealed to Taylor and to me all the things he is good at the main one being computers.  That boy seriously is a computer genius.  I guarantee he could be an IT guy right now if a college degree wasn't needed.   But it is required.

I opened my Bible not to long ago and a piece of construction paper fell out.  I honestly do not remember putting it in my Bible but somehow it was there.  It was a paper that was Taylor's in the 4th grade and all of his classmates signed it and were to write something they liked about him.  EVERY kid in that class told him he was smart with computers.....and he had good hair!  LOL!  4th grade and  God planted had already planted that seed in him then!  I remember him coming home telling me he helped his teacher hook up her computer and he was so proud!

So see.....even that long ago when he was sitting the bench or picking flowers outfield trying to find what he was good at it was something that the "world" doesn't see.  We assume that because we don't see a child's talents that they don't have any.  That is not true!  Your child being great at computers in the 4th grade isn't Facebook worthy........it would sound weird to others!  It shouldn't but it would.

I think about my Jesse.......he is in the 4th grade now and is a work horse!  He played football this year and it was his first year and he was mostly a bench warmer.  That is fine though.....he had fun at practice and learning the game but at home he has taught himself everything there is to know about gooseneck trailers and big trucks!  HE LOVES trailers and trucks. He can tell you every brand make and model I think!  Maybe those things will be his passion in life somehow.  He loves to work and help prepare our farm.  Maybe that will be his gift.  Again, something we see, and God sees, but not the world!

I also have Noah.....who gets out there and tries his best at every sport he wants to play.  He LOVES basketball and football.  He isn't the best player but he's far from the worst.  He's an honor student and a go getter that never meets a stranger and I know God will lead him far in life.  To the world he is on his way to the all american dream and while I am so happy for him and can't wait to see what God's will is for his life I know it will be just as good as his brother's and sister.

So, I think my point to all of this is to tell you don't let the devil tell you that lie in your head that your kid is not as good as the jock that makes straight A's that will be going to the best college there is.  Pray and let God show you his/her gifts that maybe we the world don't see but you as mom or dad do!
And to the mom or dad that might be reading this thinking you failed somehow......you didn't!  You have a child that is just as special maybe even more as their life, gift and talents just look a little different.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

God Bless!!!


Apr 12, 2015

A Clean Slate.......

"I think that moving away to something foreign can strengthen your family's bond and your relationship with Christ.  A clean slate is a powerful thing."

That was what a sweet friend wrote to me this week in a message encouraging me after a rough couple of days.  She is such a sweet friend that I miss very much.  
I told her that I feel like I have changed in so many ways since moving here to the country.....to this simple life.

I started thinking about how she worded it and she is so right.  A clean slate.  Just what we got!  

I don't mean that we ran from anything or that I don't miss anyone but I know without a doubt that God brought us here so it made things somewhat easier.   For the last year we have really only had each other and our kids!  We spend lots of time just here at home preparing what we want to be a working farm really soon!   

Besides our first friend here (my life group leader) and her precious family I have been slowly making friends......starting with some of the most wonderful people at my little one's school.  Those are some amazing teachers and people that make that school run!  I have never had any reservations about putting them in public school.....in that school!  And for anyone that knows me knows that I have always had a huge fear of public school for my children.  I don't really know why......maybe it was because I was bullied really bad in high school but I was scared for them to be anywhere but our small private school that I knew inside and out!    

Then I have my gym friends!  I love all of the people I have met there.....they motivate me and cheer me on every day I am there.  I can't describe what that place has done for me!

I have met many people here that love the Lord just like I do.  They are good people here in my little town!  Big hearts and helping hearts.  There is not any comparison going on here......like who drives the best car, who has the best house, biggest house, most money, etc........ Everyone I have met here are what you see is what you get!  It has really humbled me.

For those that don't know I live smack dab in the middle of 52 acres and after I take my kids to school each morning it is dead quiet except the sounds of the birds and occasional cow mooing!  

Be still and know that I am God.........Psalm 46:10.  

I have had a LOT of quiet since coming here.  Lots of time for God to speak to me and change me.  Am I perfect?  Far from it and honestly it's been hard to hear some of what he has convicted me of.  Things I am not proud of......ways I am not proud of......judgements I have not been proud of.  The list really goes on!  
But the great thing is that when you ask for forgiveness and you truly repent of those things He wipes your slate clean!  A clean slate each day!  

It's hard to believe that we are coming up on one year of living here in our new little town and I wouldn't change anything but am so blessed that the Lord has changed me!  









Mar 19, 2015

Mothers Need to Stick Together!

I was thinking about how is it that mother's started bashing each other and not sticking together.  When is it that we quit trying to learn from each other?  When did we stop taking God's word to heart?  I mean really to heart.  Like refraining from judgement!

I read something one day and wrote it down to read often............here it is.

Let's aspire to use our mouths with Godly purpose.

To build......not to break.
To bless......not to badger.
To encourage.....not to embitter.
To praise.....not to pounce. ~Karen Ehman

That is such great advice that I think we can all use!  As mom's we should be building each other up and trying to find the good in each other.  We all have strength and weaknesses that we can learn from each other.  
You never know what that mom might be going through.

I was in a restaurant here in my new little town about 6 months ago and a young lady came in with her, I think, 4 kids.  Maybe three.  I can't exactly remember but I know that my little ones knew one of the boys from school. He is a doll.  He' friendly, outgoing, all boy!!!  The mom smiled and went on to their table.  She looked tired.  She looked like she had come from work.  They were a wild bunch much like my own table can be and was being at the time and she looked stressed.  She snapped at one of the kids very loudly where the restaurant quietened and suddenly there was an awkward silence but thankfully it didn't last long and people went on about their business.  

My first instinct was to judge her in my mind!  I wanted to say "seriously?  Did you have to yell at him like that?  Aren't you embarrassed for yourself?"  THEN.....suddenly I looked at her and God convicted me!  I felt sorry for her.  I realized that I bet she was a single mom that had probably worked all day and was feeding her kids after a long day.  I felt compassion for her and I knew I was supposed to stop right there and pray for her.  And I did!  

I wish I would have been brave enough to actually go and pray with her but I wasn't!  It doesn't matter though because I know God hears any prayer!  
I prayed that God would instantly calm her nerves and I prayed that blessings be poured on her as God sees fit.  I prayed that whatever she was going through that he give her strength and courage and that she be kept safe and healthy.  I prayed for her kids too!

I have since seen her kids many times and they are HAPPY little things so instead of remembering her one little outburst, and believe me we as mothers have all had them, I choose to praise her because she may not be doing it all right but she didn't something right for them to be so happy!  



So I leave you with this.........

Part of my New Year's prayer this year was to have eyes that always see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God!  To do all of that I also need to reevaluate myself and what I think and say!  We need to remember that you can learn something good from just about anyone you meet in life especially mothers whether they are seasoned ones or a brand new one!  Whether they are single mothers or married ones.  Whether they are working mom's or stay at home mom's!  We all do the best we can!  
God loves each one of us!