Here I sit another Monday starting yet again another journey to get healthy and to loose weight! Ugh! Why is it SO HARD? (This is only my fortythousandthhundreth time!!!!!!!!)
I haven't weighed in so long....actually since the day I finished P90X, which was back in September....so after joining Fitness Haus to help me get healthy and loose weight I weighed this morning and I have gained twenty pounds! TWENTY POUNDS!!!!!!! I literally felt like I was going to pass out.....I got flushed, my heart was racing and I literally felt sick to my stomach. How does that happen and how does it happen so fast?
I could kick myself for doing 90 days of P90X and working my hiney off only to finish and let myself go again! I am so mad at myself!
I knew deep down I was gaining but I chose to ignore it. I know when I have a hard time crossing my legs. Yes, something that simple as sitting in a chair and being uncomfortable crossing my legs. My thighs don't just rub together when I walk they are just together! LOL Lately when I lay down flat on my back at night I feel like I am choking. That is extra weight around my neck!! I hurt every morning when I get up out of the bed. My feet ache, my legs and my back. That is from my weight.
I probably really don't want to know what blood work would say about me right now! My cholesterol is probably through the roof! I put off my well women check ups because I know what my doctor will say and I have not wanted to hear it. Truth hurts! (I know that is not smart so don't worry I do go I just don't like to!)
My husband- I think he is the most handsome man on this earth! PERIOD!!! I also know that other women probably do too. Yes I he loves me for me and I know that but I am also not naive to think that men aren't visual. That is a proven fact! He deserves to have a wife that takes care of herself and wants to look good for him. He's so lucky because he never has to worry about weight. He's naturally thin! I pray my kids are like him!
I want to feel confident and not let my weight come between us and our relationship. I wish I was one of those women that is confident no matter what but I am not. Never have been and probably never will be!
My kids!!! I am responsible for these 5 kids that God so graciously gave me and I have failed them in the food department. I have slowly tried to change that with them but I still neglect myself. I buy anything and everything organic but I am still guilty of buying junk. Sweets are my weakness! Chips are my kids weakness and I still buy them! Not anymore. I make my kids eat fruit, veggies, yogurt, nuts and all things good (along with their chips and my cookies) but I don't follow my own rules!
Anyway, I am not sure why I am putting this out there but those are my thoughts and I am hoping and praying today was THE MONDAY that I change these things! I want to wear a bathing suit and swim with my kids. We live by the beach now!!!! We should be spending lots of time there! They love it! I want to walk in a store and wear whatever jeans I want too!!!!! I want to wear a dress and not feel my thighs rub together! I want to feel beautiful! I want to be the healthiest mother and wife I can be!