Aug 4, 2014

Huge Eye Opener........My honest TRUTH!

Here I sit another Monday starting yet again another journey to get healthy and to loose weight!  Ugh!  Why is it SO HARD?  (This is only my fortythousandthhundreth time!!!!!!!!)

I haven't weighed in so long....actually since the day I finished P90X, which was back in after joining Fitness Haus to help me get healthy and loose weight I weighed this morning and I have gained twenty pounds!  TWENTY POUNDS!!!!!!!  I literally felt like I was going to pass out.....I got flushed, my heart was racing and I literally felt sick to my stomach.  How does that happen and how does it happen so fast?
I could kick myself for doing 90 days of P90X and working my hiney off only to finish and let myself go again!  I am so mad at myself!

I knew deep down I was gaining but I chose to ignore it.  I know when I have a hard time crossing my legs.  Yes, something that simple as sitting in a chair and being uncomfortable crossing my legs. My thighs don't just rub together when I walk they are just together!  LOL  Lately when I lay down flat on my back at night I feel like I am choking.  That is extra weight around my neck!!  I hurt every morning when I get up out of the bed.  My feet ache, my legs and my back.  That is from my weight.
I probably really don't want to know what blood work would say about me right now!  My cholesterol is probably through the roof!  I put off my well women check ups because I know what my doctor will say and I have not wanted to hear it.  Truth hurts!  (I know that is not smart so don't worry I do go I just don't like to!)

My husband- I think he is the most handsome man on this earth!  PERIOD!!! I also know that other women probably do too. Yes I he loves me for me and I know that but I am also not naive to think that men aren't visual.  That is a proven fact!  He deserves to have a wife that takes care of herself and wants to look good for him.  He's so lucky because he never has to worry about weight.  He's naturally thin!  I pray my kids are like him!
I want to feel confident and not let my weight come between us and our relationship.  I wish I was one of those women that is confident no matter what but I am not.  Never have been and probably never will be!

My kids!!!  I am responsible for these 5 kids that God so graciously gave me and I have failed them in the food department.  I have slowly tried to change that with them but I still neglect myself.  I buy anything and everything organic but I am still guilty of buying junk.  Sweets are my weakness! Chips are my kids weakness and I still buy them!  Not anymore.  I make my kids eat fruit, veggies, yogurt, nuts and all things good (along with their chips and my cookies) but I don't follow my own rules!

Anyway, I am not sure why I am putting this out there but those are my thoughts and I am hoping and praying today was THE MONDAY that I change these things!  I want to wear a bathing suit and swim with my kids.  We live by the beach now!!!!  We should be spending lots of time there!  They love it!  I want to walk in a store and wear whatever jeans I want too!!!!!  I want to wear a dress and not feel my thighs rub together!  I want to feel beautiful!  I want to be the healthiest mother and wife I can be!

1 comment:

Christy said...

Weight has always been such a struggle for me. I pray you find a groove that works for you. I think cutting one bad habit at time and committing to moving my body about 5 times per week have been things that have propelled me in the right direction. The weight loss is SO slow for me, though. It is discouraging sometimes...a lot of times. Stay the course, my friend! You can do it! :)