Mar 7, 2011

Marriage Monday.....Trust

I have struggled with how to start this topic....Trust! I am linking up with Chrysalis and she started her post off with someone's question so I am going to do the same and just answer it the way I would! So...here goes! I hope I can word this all correctly!

Question....

“My biggest issue on my part is trust. That really works against us
sometimes. I don't know why, but I have problems trusting period.
My husband is the one I trust the most, but I am always afraid I will do something that will make him leave. This is a me problem.”



Answer......

I had and still do (sometimes) have that same ME problem! Satan knows how to get to me and boy does he try hard sometimes to mess with my thoughts! Not that I don't trust my husband, I do, but I am sometimes horrible at making him feel otherwise.....mostly because it's my insecurities and thoughts that I am one day going to make him want to leave for some reason or another. I am still working on that daily!
I really think that stems back to my parents being divorced and how their divorce affected me. I have always had a fear of Marc leaving. Luckily, my husband knows this about me and really tries to make sure he doesn't give me reason to not trust him or doubt his love! That took a LOT of time to learn and I am learning when I am feeling insecure about him that I stop and PRAY about it right then and if I feel like I need to talk to him about it I pray for the right words that will not turn into a fight or me accusing him of something....especially because in the 17 years of marriage I have never "caught" him doing something he shouldn't in our marriage. Another words he's always innocent!
We had the opportunity to "counsel" a few couples and some of the things we have told them about gaining their trust again is....

1. If you have nothing to hide....hide nothing! Meaning...your where abouts, your friends, your email, your phone or whatever, should never be hidden or off limits to your spouse.

2. Don't put yourself in situations that could tempt you. Example....if you work...don't go to lunch or dinner with someone of the opposite sex unless its a group.

3. If you are friends with someone that is of the opposite sex and it feels "uneasy" or you feel like there is "more" to their friendship then just being friends then it's time to distance yourself right away. That is how things can get started.

4. Don't talk on the phone or text with anyone of the opposite sex on a regular frequent basis. (This is one my husband and I have discussed many times and we have agreed that there are sometimes that you will do this and we do....but most of the time it is our really close friends that are couples and that we are both close with and we don't hide it.
A lot of times I text both the husband and wife as I would never want someone to think I am texting or calling their husband! Make sense?

5. Prayer....always pray that God puts a hedge of protection around your marriage and your family! Pray for your spouse and for their temptations and for your own!

I am sure I could go on for days on this but I will stop here! I hope I have said this all right and hope that you each know that by doing MM I am in no way saying I do all these things perfectly because I don't but I am learning as I go and hoping one day to "perfect" it but for now I just PRAY....I pray everyday for my marriage and you should to!


Flashback photo.....This was us at Marc's prom!!! :)

4 comments:

e-Mom said...

LOL, loved that photo of you two. You were just kids together! Isn't that wonderful??? I think it's GREAT that you've known each other "since forever."

Your advice regarding friendship with the opposite sex is solid. We have similar ground "rules." Soon after we were married, we both agreed that we would not have friendships with the opposite sex that didn't involve each other. And we never have.

Our parents divorced too, so I understand your trust issues. My husband's Mom left, and my Dad left. So we've both been sensitive to each other's issues. The longer we're married though, the more we trust each other, and less we feel the sting from our past. (Over 30 years now.)

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today.

Blessings, e-Mom ღ

21st Century Housewife© said...

I think everyone has trust issues of some sort or other, and I can definitely identify with feeling insecure for absolutely no reason at all at times. It happens to us all. I think the things you mentioned about trust are very good advice - and great counsel. I love the picture of you and your husband as well - it's lovely having memories like that!

Mac an Rothaich said...

I appreciate that my husband was the one who brought up the opposite sex rules. We are totally comfortable sharing and checking one anothers emails, phones and so on. I agree with so many of your points. Thanks.

Jeni said...

Hi Leslie!!! Not sure if you remember me from the Holt boards. I just read your post on A love worth waiting for. I was so excited. I made a blanket for Jesse I think. Congratulations on your other little guys and girl. So exciting!!