To read my previous entries click on the days below. Also, to read about how Haiti first changed Marc's life click on the button to the right.
Thursday and Friday
I didn't journal this day so this is just what we did and how I felt that day as I remember it now!
We decided the night before that we needed to be loaded up and on the road by 8:30 am as we were going to visit HFC orphanage/school before having lunch and heading to the airport and then heading home!
I was disappointed but then I remember thinking it is going to be just as tough to leave him at noon or three of four as it will be at 8:30am! And it was.....
We told Dr. Bernard and madame Claudette good bye the night before and took pictures with them as they were leaving very early on Tuesday so we wouldn't see them again. I was so sad to tell them bye....I had really grown close to both of them and feel like they are part of my family. I knew I would miss them so much and I do. It was like we were visiting grandparents and Brent, Mike and Missy were our brothers and sister!
I savored each moment with Vensly the night before as we put him to bed. We both just watched him sleep and we both (Marc and I) were feeling broken hearted already!
V woke up early...about 6...and in the best mood! He was talking, singing, playing, cooing and just being so sweet. I could barely look at him without wanting to cry!
I got him up, bathed him for the last time for a while and Marc dressed him. I remember that we couldn't hug or kiss on him enough.
I then gathered up all the clothes and shoes I had brought for him that week and put them in bags to leave with the ladies at the Creche. I decided to keep the cars he played with all week as I knew he wouldn't get to keep them and I want to bring them back next time. I also kept the stuffed animal....he didn't really love it anyway!
I remember the knot in my throat as I packed his stuff up.....
He also ate the last 4 cookies that we had and a few more cheerios. I had one organic baby food pouch so he had that for breakfast. I remember thinking "How did this week go by so fast?" I missed my kids at home like crazy but didn't want to leave my child here either. That was a sick feeling!
These are the pictures we took before we went to breakfast and before it was time to make a last trip to the Creche for a while.....
Notice in the pictures how he is touching our face....the last day or so that we were there he would just stare at us and touch our face and he loved my hair. Looking at these pictures make me smile and cry all at the same time! He is so sweet!
After breakfast it's time to take him back....I can't help but look at this picture and wonder what Marc was thinking....if I know him he had that knot in his throat too. His face says it all......
We walk down the 48 stairs it is to get to the creche and I am hugging him so tight and praying over him the whole way. We get into the creche and enter into his room where he stays and he starts to get antsy. They have a huge tub of soapy water in the middle of the room and some of the babies are out as they are bathing them. I kiss him, hug him, tell him I love him very much and Marc does the same. I then sat him down on the floor by the nannies and he immediately stiffens up and throws himself back and rolls on the floor all while making the loudest noise and then a screaming cry comes out! I just walked out of the room and outside the building and could still hear him. I have questioned myself everyday on whether I did it right or not and whether I should have gone back to console him for a while but then think to myself that he is to little to understand. No matter how I did it I was still leaving and not coming back for a while. There was no wrong or right way to do it and there definitely was not an easy way to do it. At that moment the knot in my throat actually hurt and my heart was broken. I know Marc's was to but I think he tries to be strong for me. (until he got a text from a very wise friend of his...you know who you are and know that I am thankful for you!)
As we went back to the guest house Brent was there to hug us and comfort us. He looked at me as I was crying and said "Imagine how our Heavenly Father feels right now....he hurts so much for you and Vensly both!" He was right....and I know that God is good all the time even when we hurt! I also know that He will give Vensly peace and comfort in knowing that we are mommy and daddy and we are coming back for him SOON! It still didn't stop the tears from flowing most of the day! Thank God we were with the people we were with as they are absolutely the funniest people I think I have ever met! I could listen to them all day. Mike and Missy have been exactly where we were that day and were so reassuring and sweet! They are proof that it's all in God's timing and that this story will have a happy ending!
Here are some pictures of all of us.....(excuse my messy face as these were right after we had to leave V)
We then left to head to the airport but not before stopping at Hope For Children orphanage and school. More on that later......
But one pretty neat thing is our family has a scripture that Marc and I claimed for our family a few years ago. We even tagged it on the walls of our church before the sheet rock went up and it is Jeremiah 29:11. I was sitting at HFC later that day and thinking about Vensly and feeling that knot again and the urge to want to cry but I look up and this is what I see on the wall.
You can read the scripture in English on my header at the top of my blog!
Fast forward to today and I can honestly say that I will never be the same person again. I may not be able to physically do the mission work that Marc wants to do as I am a full time mom that will eventually have five kids to take care of and I just can't leave them so much. I will say my children will all grow up learning about and doing mission work and I pray as adults they will want to continue on their own. I have learned that we don't need half of what we have or want! Things that I once thought were important are not!
This is going to sound really strange to some but I have even had a hard time putting on my jewelry since getting home. Don't get me wrong I love my wedding ring as it is beautiful but just because it has diamonds doesn't mean that it means any more then a simple gold band or even a plastic band would mean. Marc and I both have always been givers but after this trip I realize that it's never enough....you can never give to much!
Yesterday Marc spoke at a church and he answered a question of why Haiti? Why not help the people in the need here in our own town? It's not that we don't want to or won't help the people here but Marc said he knows his calling from God is for the people of Haiti.
I could not have started out the year 2011 any better then with this trip! 2011 is the year that I step up my faith, prayer time and my giving....whether it be monetary or serving!
If you have made it through everyday of my trip I thank you for reading and I hope I have inspired you in one way or another! If anyone is interested in adoption or going on a missions trip through BGM please email me or Marc at email@example.com.
The first picture is when they first handed him to us....notice how he kept his head far away from us. He did not want us to touch his face or head!
This is the day we left....amazing difference! He actually couldn't get enough of touching our face and hair! Wow....I love that boy so much!