Feb 17, 2016

Passion Of Christ......

I have had some serious blogger block or writer's block lately!  I have lots of things I want to say just can't seem to get them down and in the right words but today I want to talk to you about the amazing, beautiful but tragic thing that Christ did for me......and for YOU!!!!  

I am doing a 40 fast from Facebook, secular TV and secular music and spending that time in His word and prayer.  I have learned so much over the last couple of months and I just can't get enough.  I have been reading in John lately and I love reading the "red" which are the words of Jesus.  I can sometimes picture myself there with them.  It gives me chills.  

Yesterday I decided to start watching the Passion of Christ even though I had seen it when it first came out but after finishing it today I saw it in a whole new light.  I actually knew little things that were happening and knew what was going to happen.....I have grown as a follower so much since seeing that movie the first time.  I was excited to watch and but extremely emotional.  I don't think any of us fully grasp just what HE DID FOR US!  

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  Matthew 16:24

I was watching him drag that cross to where he would be crucified and I thought about the scripture above and how so many times we are taught to take up our cross daily and we don't!  It's to hard, or we are uncomfortable, or embarrassed, or to busy.......you name the excuse we have it for not taking up OUR cross daily for Him!  

There was Jesus beaten half to death.....bleeding.......tortured.....bruised......cut......in more pain than anyone could ever bare but He STILL got back up, picked up the cross and carried it because of our sins.  

Simon may have borne the cross part of the way to Golgotha, but Jesus bore Simon’s sin!

He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.  1 John 2:2

I thought about how Simon helped carry the cross some of the way for Jesus the same way that He can help us carry our cross.  He wants to help us!  

I thought about the crown of thorns they put on His head......think about it......imagine it.......how incredibly painful that was for Him.  And Mary, his mother, who loved Him like we love our children......she watched all of this happen to her Son.  Can you imagine how she felt?  I can't stand to see my children struggle with anything so I can only imagine the pain and tears she had. She knew that her Son was dying for us.......sinners that don't deserve it but He loved us that much!

I watched as they stretched His arms out to nail Him to the cross and still torturing Him to the last minute but He cries out to the Father to forgive them........for they know not what they do!  

And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.  Luke 23:34

He prayed for the ones that tortured Him while dying for them!  Do we pray for those that torture us?  That hurt us?  

If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.  Matthew 5:46

How easy is it to love the ones that love us and treat us with kindness and compassion?  Very easy.  How easy is it to love those that are hard hearted?  That reject us?  That don't love us back?  That are mean?  Not easy........but the Lord commands us to do it!  
He wants us to take up our cross and follow Him........

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Jan 5, 2016

Am I Who I Say I Am?

There is a speaker from Women of Faith (Charlotte Gambill) that I love and she was on a show yesterday promoting her new book and she said a few things that stuck with me.  I have been thinking about my goals for 2016 and we all know my goal of competing this year as far as my working out and fitness stuff but the most important ones I think are spiritual goals.  

On Sunday the preacher asked if anyone was closer to the Lord this January than last and I was really proud to actually say yes!  Yes, I am.  I feel like this year I have grown so much in my faith and my daily walk with Christ.  I am far from perfect but I crave his word and his will for my life.  Prayer is a daily part of my life sometimes being in prayer on and off all day.  I want to be able to say next January that I am even closer than this year.  That is my main goal for 2016.  

Here are some questions and thoughts she had talked about when discussing a hard time that she had gone through with infertility.

As a preacher do I believe what I preach?  (I was thinking about how I blog and I guess some could say "preach" to you guys.  During difficult times can I go back read what I write and actually say I am following that preaching?  I hope so.  A goal for me is to ONLY preach or blog about what I believe!  I want to be as genuine and open as possible!)

As a believer do I believe what I say I believe?  My answer is YES.  Whole heartedly yes!  

Worshiper- Is my worship actually based on a truth that is deep inside of me or was I just singing words that someone else had written?   (I have grown to love praise and worship music and yes sometimes I guess I am just singing the words that someone else has written but I try to really get in tune with the Lord and let the words sink in.  I have had some of my best prayer time during praise and worship and I feel as if God has really spoken to me through songs before.  Another goal is to be introduced to new praise and worship songs that connect me to God through music!)

Prayer life-  Am I a prayer warrior or a worrier!  ( I have become a prayer warrior this year but I must admit that I am a worrier to.  I want to move past the worrying and and into the warrior because I do believe my God can do anything and He is always in control of my life!)  This is a big one for me to work on this year!  I tend to be a prayer warrior for others and a worrier for myself!  

Am I a women of faith or a women that just knows people of faith?  I would love to think that I am a women of faith but I admit sometimes my faith is the size of a mustard seed but thank God that He tells us that is all we need.  I am learning to have faith in Him that He is always the way, the truth and the life!  I pray that this year my faith grows to be bigger than I have ever imagined!  

I am so excited about 2016 and what it has in store for me and my family!  We are so blessed already and I pray that God uses me in a huge way to bless others however He sees fit!  

Dec 1, 2015

My Future Son-in-Law......

I realize that I am going to blink my eyes an my precious baby girl will be preparing for her wedding day.  That makes me so excited and so scared all at the same time.
I pray all the time for her future husband.  I have so many specific qualities I would love for him to have.  Her dad and I will be trusting our precious little girl's heart to this man to take and cherish forever!
 I also pray that we raise her to make good choices and to trust in God to send her the husband that He chose for her.  I realize that she is only 6 now but I believe it's never to early to prepare your children for their future mate.  And it's never to early to start praying specifics over them!

Here are a few thoughts and prayers that I pray over my future son in law!

That he right now in this moment is being raised in a Christian home and is falling in love with Jesus even at an early age!

That he grow to be a man of mighty faith.
A man of integrity.
A loyal and honest man.
I pray that he is brave and smart.
I pray that he is raised with convictions and that he always fears God.
I pray that he prays daily and carries it on to pray with my daughter as a couple.
I hope that he grows to be a leader but that he is always led by only God.

I pray that he cherishes my little girls heart always.
That he protects her both physically and mentally.

I pray that he will always handle my daughter with grace and forgiveness.
I pray that he is patient with her.
I hope that he is compassionate towards her.
I hope that he knows that love is a choice that he should make daily.

I pray that both my daughter and he knows what a covenant before God means before saying "I do".

I pray with all that I am that he will learn early on and continue to know that he is to love my little girl like Christ loves His church.

I also hope they have so many of the little things that us women actually consider to be BIG things!

Watch a "chick flick"......it's ok to watch one with her every now and then!

Romancing her!  You can still be macho and manly and do something romantic!

Flowers.....girls love flowers for no reason.  Not Valentines or holidays but just for no reason.

Compliment her.  I hope that he tells her everyday that she is beautiful, smart, funny, strong........
Tell her he is proud of her.
That he is blessed to have her!

Take her on date nights.....let her get dressed up!
Walk on the beach.
I pray that you teach her your hobbies.
Travel with her.

I end by saying that I pray that he loves us and thinks of us as his second set of parents.

I pray that he will see Christ in our marriage and that my little girl does too!

Don't worry if you are still with me......I have a long list of things I am going to try to teach my daughter as I know that the mother of this young man is out there today praying for my little girl.  I pray that this mother and I became great friends and grandmother's together one day!

Oct 28, 2015

My Results So Far.....

As most of you know I have been working out steadily for 10 months now and as of this morning have almost lost 50 lbs.  Almost!  (2 lbs to go....)

Never in a million years did I think I would be here today in this body!  I feel better than I have in a really long time....I mean REALLY long!  I can't remember the last time I had this much confidence in myself and in my capabilities.  I have learned that I can do so much more than I ever thought possible.  I have learned that age is really only a number if you take care of yourself and exercise and eat right.  To think that I had gone to my ob/gyn to ask him about weight loss surgeries only to hear him give me a lecture on doing it the hard way and not taking the risk that comes along with surgeries.  I left that day as low as one can get and weighing in at 230 lbs!  Yes, you read that right!  I almost passed out when I saw that number and realized what I had done to myself.

I had already joined the gym and had been going for a month.  Those were some hard weeks but after hearing what all my doc said I knew I couldn't give up!  My life depended on it.  I had to be the best I could be so I could be around a long time for my kids and not miss out on anymore of life!

Here is the good part.......this morning I weighed 182.....I am 5"9".  I now wear the same size that I did when I weighed 160-165 (8 years ago!) and was just thin and not working out.  My body has shaped up totally different from lifting weights and doing the cross training type workouts that I am doing.

The day I entered my gym my waist (across my belly button) measured 42 inches and this morning it measured 35!  That is 7 inches!!!

So there it is folks.....the number that I said  would go to my grave with and never tell...... but if it helps just one person know that you to can get up and get moving to feel and look better then I it was worth it!

So my new goal is to compete in the Battle on the Bay here in Corpus Christi on July 9th, 2016 in the bikini division for my age group and height!  I am excited to see the results of the hard work I will have to put in!

FACE to FACE...........no more chubby cheeks!

DECEMBER (230lbs)  to TODAY (182lbs)!  Time to start building that butt and rounding it out!!!

Sep 10, 2015

My Future......

I have thought a lot lately about my future and what it holds.  I know WHO holds it and I know what I want it to look like but we all know that we make plans and sometimes God just smiles and shakes his head at them but sometimes we are right on track.  He is planting those seeds and you create your future from those seeds!  He always gives us choices to make along the way........

If you read my blog at all or my Facebook then you know my fitness goals but this is different.....this is what I think God may have for me aside from health and fitness but that does play a huge part in my life and changing who I am.

First of all is my blog......

I feel like if I keep writing you guys will keep coming and I can only pray, and I do, that I am blessing at least one person that day with my writing!  There may only be 5 of you that read right now or forever but my prayer is that one of you read something that touches you  or encourages you!

I have thought about trying to get my blog "out there" so to speak and link up anywhere that will let me but I just don't feel drawn to do that.  I feel like if I am meant to have this as my platform then the readers will come.

I am not a fancy writer with big words and tons of Biblical knowledge but I do write from my heart and mean what I say.


About eight years ago my husband and I attended a marriage retreat called Weekend To Remember.  We went there on the verge of divorce and that weekend saved our marriage.  I remember listening to the married couple that were speakers that weekend and being in awe of their marriage and what all they had been through but yet here they were standing there teaching us through their trials and mistakes and were willing to share hurts and real feelings that some would want kept private.
I left there with a new marriage but I also left there wanting that.  I wanted to be them!  I pictured Marc and I standing on a stage teaching what we had learned through our 13 years of marriage.

Fast forward another 8 years......

It never happened.

I have over the years asked God why?  Why can't we be "that couple"?  And lately He has answered me.  One we weren't married long enough to REALLY get it enough to give advice to a crowd of married couples.  Second, we weren't ready because we had a lot more to learn!  And it would be the hard way on some things.  Third, we hadn't put Him first in our lives so why would He allow us to teach that?  Because really THAT is the answer to most marriage problems.  We had not learned the true meaning of forgiveness so how can we teach it?  I especially deal with lack of forgiveness so I have been studying what it really means and how to fully forgive!   We both deal with resentment so how can we teach that resentment is a marriage killer?  God is working on me/us in a mighty way......

21 year anniversary!
  My point to all of this is to say that God is not going to use me or us as a couple until He KNOWS we are ready.  I know that one day I will stand on a stage or write it here and tell my story!  It might be with my husband as a couple or I might be alone up there but I truly believe that it will happen.  I know that God is preparing me now.  It has been hard.  Very hard to come to terms with some things in my life and in my marriage but I do know that He holds my future and that He is equipping me for something big!
So stay tuned and for those of you that actually read I thank you!

Just thought I would throw this in for fun!  I pray this blog is around for a long time so they never forget their mom's heart and thoughts!

Sep 1, 2015

A Letter to the Man in Blue.....that lives in my home!

Dear Officer Estes,

First of all I want you to know that I love you.  I admire your want to serve the people of our county.  I am proud of you for all the hours you put in both in uniform and out of uniform!

Thank you for keeping not only us, your family safe, but the people of our community.  We are all blessed because of it.  I know that I can sleep better at night knowing that you are patrolling our streets.

I want you to know that I pray for you every day.  I pray for your safety and that God send his angels to protect you on each shift.  I pray that He keeps all evil people from you and shield you from any violence.  I pray that the Lord is your fortress, your strength and your shield!

I want you to know that I love how you always sit in a public place where you can see the door and you are always prepared to help if needed.

I want you to know that I am proud that you have served for over ten years without ever getting paid but yet have risked your life just like every other officer.

I want you to know that I am proud of the countless hours you have put in learning this profession even after the academy.   I am proud that you stay up to date on the latest training and procedures!

I want you to know that I love how you are patient with people even when they are breaking the law.  You are fair and you are kind.

I am proud that you give second chances.

I want you to know that I love how you teach any child you know about gun safety.

I want you to know that I love how 911 means so much to you and I know that if you could have I know you would have been there in a heart beat helping and saving lives.

I know through that tragedy God called you to sacrifice time and money so that you could go to school and become a peace officer.  I am proud that you worked hard and graduated top of your class receiving almost every award!

A lot of people may not understand your want to tattoo this on your body but we do and most of all God does!
THAT is all that matters!

I want you to know that me and the people of this county and beyond thank you for your dedication to serve and protect us and I pray that God always protects you and your fellow brothers in Blue!

The world needs more people like you Officer Estes!

Your proud wife and biggest prayer warrior,

Reality Check- Fitness Competition Update.....

Today I went into Corpus to meet with a guy that specializes in training girls and guys for competitions and boy was it an eye opener.

First of all his scale was SIX pounds heavier than what mine had read first thing this morning.  Of course he said HIS was the correct one!  (I am not believing that! LOL)

Second he said my body fat was 37%....OMG!  Of course I held a little video game controller thing that supposedly is able to read your body fat!  Not buying it but that number is probably pretty close which is terrible......even after loosing almost 40 lbs!
December on left
August on right

Third.....and here it is........I need to loose 50-70 more pounds to be ready for a competition!  I would be a stick!!!!!  I do not want to be a stick!

 My dream may have just been crushed........IF.......I didn't have my husband, trainers and gym family that tell me everyday I can anything I put my mind to!!  And I am putting my mind to this.........

I can hardly stand to look at my face before BUT it reminds me of how far
I have come and how hard I have worked and for that I am
so proud of myself!

So here I am putting it all out there right now!  Come July or maybe before if I get really focused and train REALLY hard I am going to show that guy up!  I WILL walk on to that stage and do my absolute best and be so proud of what I worked hard for up to that day and I probably won't be 70 lbs lighter than today maybe not even 50 but I will be the best me I can be.  I am not doing it to win anything.....that really never entered my mind.  I will win the day I step up there!

Actually the day I walked into Clydesman Gym is the day I took my life back and WON!